hMM...

That right there in my title is exactly how my life feels right now, backwards, lower case first? I am in a whirlwind of nothingness yet i feel as if i am so busy i can barely stand when i finally walk in the door at the ungodly hour of 4pm... how reta (scratch that) stupid is that?I want nothing more than to crawl into bed and never get back out.  Hubby comes to bed every night, makes mad mattress mambo then sleeps then leaves me alone till the next night. Anyone ever feel this way? I know there is no logical reason for me to be stressed out, everything is going really well right now, we are finally able to make the mortgage payment and the car payments and cover utilities it rocks but damn, its hard when the kids or me even wants to go to dinner and my wallet has enough money in it for gas smokes and a couple cans of Red bull to get me to the next paycheck. I have so many random things swirling around right now it is hard to get one coherent sentence on the screen.  i am worried that my ex found this site, his new wife, my ex-bestie said something the other day that she could have ONLY gotten here.  i know i haven't been around alot but the topic of conversation was one of the last serious posts that i wrote before my totally unintended sabbatical.  I think i am going to star a new site. i will let those of you who still actually care have the address if you e-mail me at the Galexygirl email. See ya on the Flip!

SB1070 verses Cultural studies!

I have been avoiding this topic for a while now, but the time has come that I need to say it and then I'm not talking about it again. I live in Tucson, and the issues we have here with immigrants are not the color of someone's skin, it's that the people who come across the border and take our jobs and fill up our schools have NO interest in trying to become legal citizens. You see, if they were to become legal, they would then be responsible for paying higher state taxes and wouldn't be able to send money back to Mexico to their relatives there. It has gotten so bad that you almost have to be bi-lingual to get a job flipping burgers at McDonald's. I can see both sides of the story and can understand how people could see this as racist, but there are two sides to every coin.  I fully agree that cancelling the cultural studies programs in high schools is a bad thing. If my young children grow up and want to study other cultures I firmly believe that should be an available choice for them. I hope you don't think I am angry, I am just very passionate about this subject and hate that there are so many un-informed people out there(not you) that are complaining so loud that the whole country can hear. I love your stories by the way, please tell us more about when you first came to America and we working for the wealthy families and their children!

Still the best!

Still the best picture ever, taken the morning he was born. April 27, 2007 approx. 4:30am

How can this picture not just break your heart.

I love Eevee and her miracle puppy!

The amazing French Bullhuahua part 5

And finally last night. He will be two weeks old this coming Tuesday!

I can't believe how quickly he is growing and how much love iIhave in my heart for him already!

The amazing French Bullhuahua part 4

Week and a half, Tuesday night.

The amazing French Bullhuahua part 3

In this one, 7 days!

The amazing French Bullhuahua part 2

In this picture he is about 5 days old!

The amazing French Bullhuahua!

This picture the baby boy is about 3 days old

Thing One goes to Prom With GunBoy

So here she is, my baby girl, my god she looks so grown up. Wanna know the story about the boy?....I know you do, we will call him GunBoy or GB for short. Last year Thing one was in track, pole vaulting, GunBoy is an amazing pole Vaulter and grew up around Sparky( actually Sparky worked for his dad at a local Gun store hence the nick name GB) Thing One was currently dating someone whom I didn't think was right for her, they didn't mesh, he made her sad and there was always drama. I thought at the time that GB would be a perfect match, she didn't agree she was in LOVEEEE. Long story short after three years of dating the "other boy" she decided that he was too much work mentally and that she was tired of the stress. It took a couple of months, slowly but surely she started hanging out with GB, they ALWAYS had fun and she was more happy than I had seen her in a loooong time. They weren't dating..."I'm not dating him mom!!!'" was all I got, then for Easter he asked her to spend the day with his family in a field of wildflowers for brunch, that was it. That sealed the deal.....head over heels. Less than two weeks till prom and he asks.... my mother made that fantastic dress and out the door she goes, a junior in high school, to GB's Senior Prom. I am so proud and....I WAS RIGHT, nahny nahny boo boo!LOL I love her and I think she looks AmAzing! I love you sugar cookie with pink frosting and sprinkles, I hope you have a fantastic night!

4/8/2010

     So... yesterday sucked hard, i don't talk about my feelings a lot, i have my reason, i don't like the vulnerability of it all mostly.  but i need to get this out, i can't walk around with this inside, well without it doing harm... went to Rog's funeral yesterday (not important who he is for now) and i was sitting there and i was fine...until they started singing, i lost my ever loving shit. my poor girl, thing 1, was sitting there next to me and i am sure she thought i was losing it... i have known Rog for 5 yrs but not well enough to really be losing it the way i was.  Frankie (on the other side of me) i think had a slightly better idea of what was going on but still didn't say anything at all -yesterday. at the end of 2007 i lost both of my grandmothers within two very short weeks of each other. most people have pretty strong relationships with grandparents(hopefully) but i grew up living with one or the other of mine off and on until my late, late teens.  my father having died when i was very young brought my paternal gma (gma S) and i super close, maternal gma (moo-maw) had a farm(100+acres) in Kentucky that was full of adventures in the garden and horses in the barn. we(my mother and I) lived on the Farm until i was 5 or 6, right about the time my father died. moo-maw got sick in late Oct of 07, intestinal cancer, found out on my mothers b-day, being the close knit southern family that we are, no one who lived in KY had the guts, or whatever their excuse was, to help so my mother(who was going one way or the other) and I flew out and nursed her at home so she didn't have to spend her last days in a cold lonely hospital. i don't have the greatest track record when it comes to attendance at work but they agreed to give me my 2.5 weeks of vacation all at once b/c of the situation and away i went. when i got to Ky. moo-maw was still coherent and knew everyone who came to visit etc but was declining quickly so mother and i started making funeral plans etc. i had to leave, my time off was up and she was in the last stages, she had quit eating and barely opened her eyes anymore, i was grateful i didn't have to be there for her last gasping breaths but will forever feel disdain for myself for leaving my mother to deal with this all by herself(save for an ungrateful sister and her kids who were there only to find out how much of the money they were going to get). back up a few steps...gma S and moo-maw had always been friendly with each other, but never REALLY got along. while i was in the ville i took 2 days to drive down to Owensboro and see gma S, my grandfather had died the year before (in early march of 06 and moo-paw had died when i was 11-12ish) so she was basically alone except for my uncles EX who could not have been more wonderful to someone had it been her very own mother.  while i was down there gma S found out that moo-maw was dying and it was like her face registered it as..."ha-ha-ha I made it longer than her" at the time it was kind of funny but realized later that this was her giving up, she did it, she had lived longer than moo-maw...she could leave now to be with Gpa.  i flew home the 3rd week of Nov 2007 and moo-maw died 2 days later. i had no more time i couldn't go back i missed her funeral, i will also regret this for the rest of my life, i will regret that i didn't make my ex take the kids so they could have a proper good bye, i guess i regret alot about those times. i was at home wallowing in self pity when the call about gma S came, she was in the hospital and her health was declining fast and no one knew just what was wrong or how to fix it, if i wanted to see her alive i needed to be there yesterday. i had no more time i couldn't go, it was see he dying in the hospital or her funeral what a choice eh?..... she died Dec 6th 2007 moo-maw having died Nov 27th 2007. the two most important women in my life both whom i could have considered as much if not more motherly than my own mother died. i was devastated, but i couldn't cry. i didn't cry, not until yesterday, it was like being at Rog's funeral felt like i had cheated them out of my grief. i went to KY for gma S's funeral but was there for 3 days, long enough to fly in, sleep, get up the next day for services, sleep, then leave.  i don't think i had time to process then exactly what had happened...so why yesterday, Rog should have had his own tears, why did i feel nothing for this funny little man who brought so much joy to everyones lives. i felt selfishly sorry for myself because I could now cry and I was crying for me not him.  will i cry for him at the next funeral i attend? how is this fair? and when will it catch up with me, my grief i mean, will i ever be done or always waiting? IDK i want answers that i don't believe can be found without talking and i don't talk very well, just ask Frankie.....oh well I'm crying now...

For Maddie

Thinking Of Maddie....

MY BOX....

I just got my Dollar $tore Challenge box....it is perfect! It has everything i wanted and more, I am getting ready to cook supper so I will elaborate in a bit...Thank you Adrienne! I don't know what your blog is called....leave me a comment and let me know so I can thank you properly!

Funny from someone else...

I got this from Why are you stalking me and thought it was hysterical! also it's Friday and i am way to tired to be funny for myself...or just plain lazy works too!

 

Got service?

from Why Are You Stalking Me?

I was confused when I heard the word service used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue service

 U.S. Postal service

Telephone service

Cable TV service

 Civil service

 State, City, County & Public service

 Customer service

 This is not what I thought service meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them said he had hired a bull to service a few cows. BAM!!!  It all came into focus.  I understand what all those agencies are doing.  Now you are as enlightened as I am.

the knuckle head

     My husband's son just turned 8, we have a constant battle with him over eating, don't get me wrong, he will eat, just not at a pace in which the food will be completely consumed by the time I turn 60. He thinks that dinner time is time to make shadow puppets on the wall and has to take a drink in between EVERY bite. I constantly (literally every bite) tell him to eat or to actually not put down his fork, to keep it in his hand, to which my husband then gets pissy about and says "he is eating, leave him alone", which then undermines any hint of authority that I may have had! . He throws tantrums like a 2yr old, sticks his head way forward and squints his eyes, talks back, grumbles under his breath. All of this happens simultaneously when you tell him to get dressed, brush his teeth, eat, or ANYTHING that does not involve the computer or video games or TV or whatever it is he thinks he should be doing at the time besides what we want him to do. In this situation he fights my husband as well, Talking back to the two of us like we have no right at all to be telling HIM what to do…how we could ever expect HIM to do something HE doesn't want to do. I don't know if he behaves like this towards his mother but my god man…what are we supposed to do. This fission also has bred a special kind of contempt on his part towards me...I love him to death and am pretty sure he loves me to but I believe in his mind I am the ultimate evil step-mother..Hahaha.

    I have 2 teens that NEVER acted out in the ways that this child does, but I started at a very young age with them, working on manners etc. I hate comparing him to mine, but damn my kids were fantastically well behaved compared to this child!!! ARGH!!! I can't imagine what condition my sanity would have been in by now had my 2 been anything like that. The smarter they are the more stubborn, the harder they fall (or you fall).  Any step-parents out there with any advice?  Should we just keep plowing thru and hope that eventually he gets sick of hearing us repeat these things over and over and just starts complying one day? I am close to just falling to pieces or ignoring him all together, giving up, let him act however, whenever he wants…. What do we (or I) do?

 

     PS- I love the picture, he had just lost his first front tooth and the "billy-bob" look was to good not to capture for future blackmail.  Man, i love this kid!

can you say "oops"

So, I had the day from hell yesterday.

 

Let me start at the beginning, I was sitting here talking to Frankie on the phone and my boss walks up (I see him out of the corner of my eye) and in my best professional voice I say "okay then, I will add that to the Meeting Agenda and see you tomorrow, buh-bye" hehehe…. I am allowed to talk on my own phone at work only so much, so Frankie calls me at work with the understanding that when I say something like that it really means "I'm gonna get in a shit ton of trouble if I'm not off the phone in 10seconds..I love you I will call you back when I can."  So my boss says will you please join me in "other higher up" boss's office. Me being the Angel that I am say "Uh-Oh, what did I do this time-Hahaha" Boss #1 looks at me and says. You are in violation of County policy number blah blah blah…are you aware that your drivers license (DL) has been suspended since Jan. 15^th(or something, I was floored and basically quit listening when he said suspended" see the thing is…I drive for work, not a lot, but enough. It is a serious offense to drive a government vehicle on a suspended license. They (boss #1 and Higher boss #2) go on to tell me that unless I can prove that it was a mistake, all 22 times that I have driven a county car – EACH TIME WILL COUNT AS A SINGLE VIOLATION!!! Code of conduct- personnel policies state that driving a county vehicle without a, or on a suspended DL is a termination qualifying event. "HOLY SHIT" I think" I am gonna lose my job" I don't even know what I did. Let alone why it is suspended. So I cried…. I cried buckets, I broke down and sobbed big fat girly tears and tried to explained to them thru all those tears that I had absolutely no idea that it had been done and had no idea what I had done to get it done and oh my god what do I do??? They couldn't believe I didn't know, they laughed at me and said "wow, you're good, crying like that, PROVE IT."

My supervisors laughed at me and called me a liar to my face.  I promptly ran to the bathroom and cried so hard I was hyperventilating, cried harder than I did at my Grandmothers funeral, cried so hard I thought I was gonna never be able to stop long enough to ever talk again…I can not lose my job, absolutely not an option. I got on the phone with MVD and found out that the ticket I got last Oct. for not having proof of registration in my car, that the woman at the Justice Courts said she would delay the $520.00 fine on had to be paid and since it wasn't, they sent it to collections and suspended my DL. Long story short, I fucking forgot all about it. The ticket was gone, I went and showed the courts my registration but I didn't have $520 so she deferred payment and said I had till Dec. something to pay it and I totally fucking forgot! They never sent me notice of suspension or a reminder that I needed to pay; they just fucked my whole fucking world.  Anyhow I am not gonna lose my job; all I have to do is prove that I never received notification that my license was suspended and I am fine. I paid the ticket and the fines and the SR-22 insurance (2^nd time in less than 3yrs my license has been suspended, state requirement) ready for the grand total….A $520 ticket cost me $884 to take care of, Fines fees etc. and that does not even count the $35 that I still have to pay to get my DL reinstated!

       I hate myself so bad right now. All the hard (extra) work that Frankie has been doing for a little extra money so we can catch up on some VERY delinquent bills…GONE. I am such a schmuck. I understand that everyone makes mistakes and I am totally not looking for any kind of sympathy but jesuusss, did it have to be such and expensive fuck up. Things were finally starting to look like we were catching up. FUCK!!! ARGH!!! No I am just mad. I hate crying I hate driving I hate having to pretend to be a responsible adult. I just want to curl up under the covers and never ever get up again!

UGH, sorry, it does feel better to get it out and I think this may be the longest blog post ever for me! Later…

monday, Monday, Monday.

So yesterday Frankie and I went to Grannies house just like we do every Sunday, only this Sunday we got to move(actually he did most of the work) her freshwater fish from one tank on one side of her living room to a different smaller tank on the other side of her living room. Let see first disaster, placostimus on the ground, second, hose had a leak at some point and there was water everywhere, third... The damn fish wouldn't stay in the bucket, I think it was a loach, long pointy silver fish with a thick black horizontal stripe down the side. Anyway when the damn thing would jump out it became more lizard like than fish like, which of course all girls scream when there are lizards running thru the house. Anyway...finally got everything moved over come to find out MY arms are the only ones long enough to reach the bottom of the newly filled tank....so while the water was still cloudy and I couldn't see ALL the fish(30 or more, seriously) I had to reach all the way into the tank and stick the live plants down into the sand well enough that they wouldn't float back up. My MIL (granny) is all of 5 feet nothing and Frankie isn't much bigger. All fun and games let me tell ya! So we got home a little later than usual and had brought home the movie 2012 to watch as his mom had to take it back today and we really didn't want to wait for it to come out on Netflix. We started the movie at 830 or so, just when it was getting good our friend R calls, frankies phone not mine(there is a story about R that I will tell one of these days)and basically tells him she called him because she knew it was late (I get up most mornings at 5 for work) and if she would have called me I would have told her no. She knows he is a softy, so she is coming over because she needs a cigarette and likes our butts because neither one of us ever smoke more than 3/4ths of a cig.(She empties them and hand rolls or just tears off the filter)she will be here in 5 minutes. Now I'm a pretty laid back person when it comes to friends but R in particular is hard for me to handle, I like my quiet time with Frankie and Sunday night happens to be my favorite. We stop the movie when she shows up(frenchie was on my lap and R came thru back gate and knocked on slider, frenchie freaked out and gouged 5 nice tracks in my leg with her fat doggy claws, ought to see the marks this morning)and she proceeds to tell us how she has already seen the movie and how fantastically catastrophic and beautiful it is. She comes in, gets a beer and starts telling us about all the subliminal blah blah blah and beauty of the destruction blah blah blah... Anyway we start the movie back up and by the time it is over it is 1130pm. Right about this time I realize that instead of getting up at 6 like normal I have to get up at 5am to cover for a lady at work. Now some people can function on 6 or less hours of sleep, I have to have more than 6 or at least 6, most of the time I am in bed having taken a sleeping pill by 930, no later than 10...those of you who take sleeping pills know that if you don't get the required amount of sleep after having taken one of those little beauties you are fucked. So last night looking at 5 hours of sleep, I didn't take a pill. Can you guess where the story is going from here, yup you guessed it, I slept like ASS. And now, I am so tired and it is all HER fault!!! I'm grumpy don't talk to me.

The Dollar $tore Challenge

So check it out, I joined this thing from over at Just One Miss called the Dollar $tore Challenge, it looks like so much fun, head over to her place and check it out. I got my Name in the mail today so I get to head over and lurk around at La Primera and see what I can find out about her.... so I can make my Dollar $tore box the best I can. For whoever drew my name, my Favorite color is baby pink (how cliche...I know) and i have a French Bulldog that rules my every- move, breath-thing. Oh, I like candles(sets of 4) and fingernail polish is a must!!! Hope that helps, I am so looking forward to receiving my box...YEAH!!!

100....

I just posted my 100th post

and didn't even realize it untill after I posted.

OMG

no one really reads but it sure feels good to just

get it all out!

Knuckles

So Knuckles is turning 8. Thing 1 has aspirations of being a pastery chef, I asked her to make his cake as it was a Pac-man theme and I didn't want to have to deal with layers of icing and thought a fondant cake would taste better and be less of a mess in the long run. It came out fantastic, attaching picture of his cake and also the cake she made for my virthday last year. She was in a state wide Culinary competition last weekend and placed TOP 10 in the entire state!!! I couldn't be more proud....The cakes.... She reads this Blog on a fairly regular basis so let her know how she did in the comments!!!

Musings of a lazy person.....

I don't want to be needed, but I don't want my children to stop needing me.

 

I want to be left alone, but I don't want to be alone.

 

I want to give, but I want to have.

 

I want to succeed, but I don't want to strive.

 

And of course, I want to be content.

origionally posted by Jenny

Happy Love Day!

I LOVE YOU FRANKIE!!!

Stolen Meme

I stole this from Mr. Nobody and thought it was cute, please follow the rules and ask questions...I have some great stories to tell!

 

1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and Asks!

Now, here's what you're supposed to do… And please do not spoil the Fun. Copy and paste this into your blog, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then see what happens.

1.Kissed any one of your facebook friends?..Yes
2.Been arrested? …yes
3.Kissed someone you didn't like? …yes
4.Slept in until 5 PM? …yes
5.Fallen asleep at work/school? …Yes
6.Held a snake? …Yes
7.Ran a red light? …Yes
8.Been suspended from school? ...yes
9.Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? …yes
10.Been fired from a job? … yes
11. Sang karaoke? … yes
12. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? …Yes
13. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? … yes
14.Caught a snowflake on your tongue? …Yes
15 Kissed in the rain? . . .yes
16 Sang in the shower? … yes
17 Sat on a rooftop? …Yes
18 Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? …yes
19 Broken a bone? …yes
20 Shaved your head? …No
21 Blacked out from drinking? …yes
22 Played a prank on someone? …Yes
23 Felt like killing someone? …yes
24 Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? …Yes
25 Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? …yes
26 Been in a band? …no
27 Shot a gun? …Yes
28 Donated Blood? …yes
29 Eaten alligator meat? …No
30 Eaten cheesecake? …Yes
31 Still love someone you shouldn't? …no
32 Think about the future? …Yes
33 Believe in Love ? …Yes
34 Sleep on a certain side of the bed? …Yes

 

Can you believe the only things i said no to were shaving my head and been in a band??? yikes, tells you a little about what type of person i am eh???

I missed it, Do Over???

 

Come out come out where ever you are..lol!!!

Stressed out much???

So I am sitting here and I realize that I am so fucking stressed out that I may literally spontaneously combust at any moment and then I realize..."dumbass, write it down" I have not written a post since Christmas time.....
     Casa Chaos is in full swing, have I even mentioned the "new" Saltwater fish tank? We started it like 6 months ago, it is in full swing too and we are killing (or they are dying) fish faster than we can make the money to buy more. Not really, but we have lost 3 in the last two weeks and it is traumatizing.  It makes me feel like a bad parent, how does that fucking work? I killed a fish, I didn't kill my kid!!!  Let's start where I left off…..
     New year's- was wonderful, my husband's sisters children were in town and so his mother figured what is one more and decided to watch Knuckles overnight for us. Woo Hooo Partaay, yeah right, we had a nice quite evening, which is until we decided to shoot off a roman candleesque firework. Our neighborhood up until this point had a few screamers etc. then all hell broke loose. Our one little (hehehe) firework caused a riot of blue and gold and green across the sky of downtown Tucson that was quite impressive. Later as we were drifting off to sleep I am pretty sure our next-door neighbor either shot himself (have not seen him since) or someone else. Frankie and I both sat straight up in bed and looked at each other with that "oh fuck" look and were very glad we have a brick house.
     Work- OH MY FUCKING HOLY SHIT I HATE MY DAMN JOB!!!!!!
I work with one disturbing psycho bitch; she literally will go from peaches to dogshit in 2 seconds flat!!! I am apparently the devil's spawn because ALL of her rage and rants are directed at me. I never even took this much abuse from my ex-husband and I put him in jail! I honestly don't even say good morning to her until she speaks first because if it isn't in her to like me that day she will scream…"don't talk to me I'm having a bad morning (4 out of 5 bad morning becomes tedious after day 2) and I don't feel like talking to you this morning. Then she will go sit at her desk and call her friend at one of our other facilities and laugh and have a great convo….I just don't get why she thinks it is acceptable to make me the whipping child and her supervisor (who watches it everyday) does nothing. Obviously the story is more in depth but I don't have it in me right now.  Then there is the other shmuck..." Scott the purchasing guru who thinks his shit doesn't stink and couldn't place an order to get himself out of a fucking plastic bag in time to not suffocate!  I actually got reprimanded this morning for telling on myself. How the hell does that work? Too much, can't talk, will kill, and I'm still at work.
Home- Fantastic!!!!  Frankie and I are doing great after the rough patch last summer, the counseling helped immensely, taught us how to talk to each other, explain nicely how we are feeling, and actually ask for what we want and need from each other with out demanding. Knuckles is doing much better in school, still hates his homework and has to be forced and cajoled every evening to do it…but we are making progress. Thing one was inducted (is that how you say it?) into the National Honor Society. She has a 4.6 (weighted because of double points for A.P. classes) and finally got her drivers license. She drives a 1995 Oldsmobile **, can't get much safer than a boat like that, I worry more about the other idiot drivers than I do about her. Thing two, quite as always, still has to be forced to do his homework (must be a boy thing, oh wait…I hated doing homework…) but never the less he is maintaining a low A high B average. I couldn't ask for better kids. I love all three of them dearly.
     Me- I am alive and right now, after the last year…that's pretty god damn good! I hope this is sufficient to update, I feel better, I will post on the fish tank at another time, from another computer where maybe I will try my first video update….OMG I almost forgot the Eevee dog, she is perfect. Had her one year b-day and I got the cutest video of her goofing off! Much love TTFN!!!!