Friday, July 3, 2009

The end of a nightmare

I know that I never told the whole story, I was having a horrid last couple of days. Two weekends ago I did a very wrong bad thing. A thing that has gotten me in trouble more than once, more like a thousand times. Something so bad that my husband told me if I did it again he could no longer live with me. The last time i did it was more than two years ago. When the deed was done, all said and done, Frankie told me he could no longer tolerate my actions and that I was not hurting myself so much as everyone who cared for me. Then....he left and my world fell to pieces. I couldn't eat or sleep. Normal actions and thoughts were nearly impossible. I cried, I screamed, my children stopped talking to me, my doctor medicated me to the point where I was afraid to drive. At times I did not feel like i had the will to continue living. The only thing that kept me sane was the thought of my children growing older without me seeing or knowing how they will turn out. Tonight my whole world started spinning again, i can see and feel and I never want to feel the way I did again. Tonight he told me he wants to come home and work things out. He wants to try to make things right. I know that it isn't over, the worst is yet to come, self realization sucks. For I'm I will do anything, I have never felt as if my every breath depended on someone else's love and understanding. I am whole with him, without him I feel like I have no soul. My Frankie is coming home and I couldn't be more ecstatic! Wish me luck trying to make myself a better person for me and everyone I love. The rest is yet to come, the BEST is yet to come. I love you Frankie, please be patient with me and hold my hand while i wallow through all of the memories and pain. Thank you and Good Night!