Thing One goes to Prom With GunBoy

So here she is, my baby girl, my god she looks so grown up. Wanna know the story about the boy?....I know you do, we will call him GunBoy or GB for short. Last year Thing one was in track, pole vaulting, GunBoy is an amazing pole Vaulter and grew up around Sparky( actually Sparky worked for his dad at a local Gun store hence the nick name GB) Thing One was currently dating someone whom I didn't think was right for her, they didn't mesh, he made her sad and there was always drama. I thought at the time that GB would be a perfect match, she didn't agree she was in LOVEEEE. Long story short after three years of dating the "other boy" she decided that he was too much work mentally and that she was tired of the stress. It took a couple of months, slowly but surely she started hanging out with GB, they ALWAYS had fun and she was more happy than I had seen her in a loooong time. They weren't dating..."I'm not dating him mom!!!'" was all I got, then for Easter he asked her to spend the day with his family in a field of wildflowers for brunch, that was it. That sealed the deal.....head over heels. Less than two weeks till prom and he asks.... my mother made that fantastic dress and out the door she goes, a junior in high school, to GB's Senior Prom. I am so proud and....I WAS RIGHT, nahny nahny boo boo!LOL I love her and I think she looks AmAzing! I love you sugar cookie with pink frosting and sprinkles, I hope you have a fantastic night!

4/8/2010

     So... yesterday sucked hard, i don't talk about my feelings a lot, i have my reason, i don't like the vulnerability of it all mostly.  but i need to get this out, i can't walk around with this inside, well without it doing harm... went to Rog's funeral yesterday (not important who he is for now) and i was sitting there and i was fine...until they started singing, i lost my ever loving shit. my poor girl, thing 1, was sitting there next to me and i am sure she thought i was losing it... i have known Rog for 5 yrs but not well enough to really be losing it the way i was.  Frankie (on the other side of me) i think had a slightly better idea of what was going on but still didn't say anything at all -yesterday. at the end of 2007 i lost both of my grandmothers within two very short weeks of each other. most people have pretty strong relationships with grandparents(hopefully) but i grew up living with one or the other of mine off and on until my late, late teens.  my father having died when i was very young brought my paternal gma (gma S) and i super close, maternal gma (moo-maw) had a farm(100+acres) in Kentucky that was full of adventures in the garden and horses in the barn. we(my mother and I) lived on the Farm until i was 5 or 6, right about the time my father died. moo-maw got sick in late Oct of 07, intestinal cancer, found out on my mothers b-day, being the close knit southern family that we are, no one who lived in KY had the guts, or whatever their excuse was, to help so my mother(who was going one way or the other) and I flew out and nursed her at home so she didn't have to spend her last days in a cold lonely hospital. i don't have the greatest track record when it comes to attendance at work but they agreed to give me my 2.5 weeks of vacation all at once b/c of the situation and away i went. when i got to Ky. moo-maw was still coherent and knew everyone who came to visit etc but was declining quickly so mother and i started making funeral plans etc. i had to leave, my time off was up and she was in the last stages, she had quit eating and barely opened her eyes anymore, i was grateful i didn't have to be there for her last gasping breaths but will forever feel disdain for myself for leaving my mother to deal with this all by herself(save for an ungrateful sister and her kids who were there only to find out how much of the money they were going to get). back up a few steps...gma S and moo-maw had always been friendly with each other, but never REALLY got along. while i was in the ville i took 2 days to drive down to Owensboro and see gma S, my grandfather had died the year before (in early march of 06 and moo-paw had died when i was 11-12ish) so she was basically alone except for my uncles EX who could not have been more wonderful to someone had it been her very own mother.  while i was down there gma S found out that moo-maw was dying and it was like her face registered it as..."ha-ha-ha I made it longer than her" at the time it was kind of funny but realized later that this was her giving up, she did it, she had lived longer than moo-maw...she could leave now to be with Gpa.  i flew home the 3rd week of Nov 2007 and moo-maw died 2 days later. i had no more time i couldn't go back i missed her funeral, i will also regret this for the rest of my life, i will regret that i didn't make my ex take the kids so they could have a proper good bye, i guess i regret alot about those times. i was at home wallowing in self pity when the call about gma S came, she was in the hospital and her health was declining fast and no one knew just what was wrong or how to fix it, if i wanted to see her alive i needed to be there yesterday. i had no more time i couldn't go, it was see he dying in the hospital or her funeral what a choice eh?..... she died Dec 6th 2007 moo-maw having died Nov 27th 2007. the two most important women in my life both whom i could have considered as much if not more motherly than my own mother died. i was devastated, but i couldn't cry. i didn't cry, not until yesterday, it was like being at Rog's funeral felt like i had cheated them out of my grief. i went to KY for gma S's funeral but was there for 3 days, long enough to fly in, sleep, get up the next day for services, sleep, then leave.  i don't think i had time to process then exactly what had happened...so why yesterday, Rog should have had his own tears, why did i feel nothing for this funny little man who brought so much joy to everyones lives. i felt selfishly sorry for myself because I could now cry and I was crying for me not him.  will i cry for him at the next funeral i attend? how is this fair? and when will it catch up with me, my grief i mean, will i ever be done or always waiting? IDK i want answers that i don't believe can be found without talking and i don't talk very well, just ask Frankie.....oh well I'm crying now...

For Maddie

Thinking Of Maddie....

MY BOX....

I just got my Dollar $tore Challenge box....it is perfect! It has everything i wanted and more, I am getting ready to cook supper so I will elaborate in a bit...Thank you Adrienne! I don't know what your blog is called....leave me a comment and let me know so I can thank you properly!

Funny from someone else...

I got this from Why are you stalking me and thought it was hysterical! also it's Friday and i am way to tired to be funny for myself...or just plain lazy works too!

 

Got service?

from Why Are You Stalking Me?

I was confused when I heard the word service used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue service

 U.S. Postal service

Telephone service

Cable TV service

 Civil service

 State, City, County & Public service

 Customer service

 This is not what I thought service meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them said he had hired a bull to service a few cows. BAM!!!  It all came into focus.  I understand what all those agencies are doing.  Now you are as enlightened as I am.

the knuckle head

     My husband's son just turned 8, we have a constant battle with him over eating, don't get me wrong, he will eat, just not at a pace in which the food will be completely consumed by the time I turn 60. He thinks that dinner time is time to make shadow puppets on the wall and has to take a drink in between EVERY bite. I constantly (literally every bite) tell him to eat or to actually not put down his fork, to keep it in his hand, to which my husband then gets pissy about and says "he is eating, leave him alone", which then undermines any hint of authority that I may have had! . He throws tantrums like a 2yr old, sticks his head way forward and squints his eyes, talks back, grumbles under his breath. All of this happens simultaneously when you tell him to get dressed, brush his teeth, eat, or ANYTHING that does not involve the computer or video games or TV or whatever it is he thinks he should be doing at the time besides what we want him to do. In this situation he fights my husband as well, Talking back to the two of us like we have no right at all to be telling HIM what to do…how we could ever expect HIM to do something HE doesn't want to do. I don't know if he behaves like this towards his mother but my god man…what are we supposed to do. This fission also has bred a special kind of contempt on his part towards me...I love him to death and am pretty sure he loves me to but I believe in his mind I am the ultimate evil step-mother..Hahaha.

    I have 2 teens that NEVER acted out in the ways that this child does, but I started at a very young age with them, working on manners etc. I hate comparing him to mine, but damn my kids were fantastically well behaved compared to this child!!! ARGH!!! I can't imagine what condition my sanity would have been in by now had my 2 been anything like that. The smarter they are the more stubborn, the harder they fall (or you fall).  Any step-parents out there with any advice?  Should we just keep plowing thru and hope that eventually he gets sick of hearing us repeat these things over and over and just starts complying one day? I am close to just falling to pieces or ignoring him all together, giving up, let him act however, whenever he wants…. What do we (or I) do?

 

     PS- I love the picture, he had just lost his first front tooth and the "billy-bob" look was to good not to capture for future blackmail.  Man, i love this kid!

can you say "oops"

So, I had the day from hell yesterday.

 

Let me start at the beginning, I was sitting here talking to Frankie on the phone and my boss walks up (I see him out of the corner of my eye) and in my best professional voice I say "okay then, I will add that to the Meeting Agenda and see you tomorrow, buh-bye" hehehe…. I am allowed to talk on my own phone at work only so much, so Frankie calls me at work with the understanding that when I say something like that it really means "I'm gonna get in a shit ton of trouble if I'm not off the phone in 10seconds..I love you I will call you back when I can."  So my boss says will you please join me in "other higher up" boss's office. Me being the Angel that I am say "Uh-Oh, what did I do this time-Hahaha" Boss #1 looks at me and says. You are in violation of County policy number blah blah blah…are you aware that your drivers license (DL) has been suspended since Jan. 15^th(or something, I was floored and basically quit listening when he said suspended" see the thing is…I drive for work, not a lot, but enough. It is a serious offense to drive a government vehicle on a suspended license. They (boss #1 and Higher boss #2) go on to tell me that unless I can prove that it was a mistake, all 22 times that I have driven a county car – EACH TIME WILL COUNT AS A SINGLE VIOLATION!!! Code of conduct- personnel policies state that driving a county vehicle without a, or on a suspended DL is a termination qualifying event. "HOLY SHIT" I think" I am gonna lose my job" I don't even know what I did. Let alone why it is suspended. So I cried…. I cried buckets, I broke down and sobbed big fat girly tears and tried to explained to them thru all those tears that I had absolutely no idea that it had been done and had no idea what I had done to get it done and oh my god what do I do??? They couldn't believe I didn't know, they laughed at me and said "wow, you're good, crying like that, PROVE IT."

My supervisors laughed at me and called me a liar to my face.  I promptly ran to the bathroom and cried so hard I was hyperventilating, cried harder than I did at my Grandmothers funeral, cried so hard I thought I was gonna never be able to stop long enough to ever talk again…I can not lose my job, absolutely not an option. I got on the phone with MVD and found out that the ticket I got last Oct. for not having proof of registration in my car, that the woman at the Justice Courts said she would delay the $520.00 fine on had to be paid and since it wasn't, they sent it to collections and suspended my DL. Long story short, I fucking forgot all about it. The ticket was gone, I went and showed the courts my registration but I didn't have $520 so she deferred payment and said I had till Dec. something to pay it and I totally fucking forgot! They never sent me notice of suspension or a reminder that I needed to pay; they just fucked my whole fucking world.  Anyhow I am not gonna lose my job; all I have to do is prove that I never received notification that my license was suspended and I am fine. I paid the ticket and the fines and the SR-22 insurance (2^nd time in less than 3yrs my license has been suspended, state requirement) ready for the grand total….A $520 ticket cost me $884 to take care of, Fines fees etc. and that does not even count the $35 that I still have to pay to get my DL reinstated!

       I hate myself so bad right now. All the hard (extra) work that Frankie has been doing for a little extra money so we can catch up on some VERY delinquent bills…GONE. I am such a schmuck. I understand that everyone makes mistakes and I am totally not looking for any kind of sympathy but jesuusss, did it have to be such and expensive fuck up. Things were finally starting to look like we were catching up. FUCK!!! ARGH!!! No I am just mad. I hate crying I hate driving I hate having to pretend to be a responsible adult. I just want to curl up under the covers and never ever get up again!

UGH, sorry, it does feel better to get it out and I think this may be the longest blog post ever for me! Later…